Who makes a better Officiant … Males or Females?

The year was 2016. I had met with the couple a year earlier at the First Time Meeting. We clicked immediately. One of those instant, soulful connections that always feels so warming to the heart.

They hired me that day and we kept in touch over the year.

Six weeks before the wedding, they called me to ask if we could meet. There was a serious problem with their families, and they needed to connect with me in person, asap.

“Soooo, Rev. Jody, our problem is that our families are very concerned about you doing the wedding ceremony and are actually very upset we have asked you to officiate.” I listened. “The problem is that you are a female.”

We had touched on this at our first meeting. After they shared what was going on, I recommended we spend a few minutes looking at options:

1. They let me go and hire a priest. Not an option.

2.  They bring a male officiant, and we share the ceremony. Not an option.

3.  We continue the plans they had co-created and we add a traditional quote such as Corinthians 13:4-8a. They liked that idea, so we rewrote the script right there.

When I got to the wedding, I was expecting a cool reception. I was not disappointed.  The wedding ceremony was flawless and very soulful.

As I was heading out to my car, a very sweet, little ol’ man followed me.

“Scuz me ma’am… scuz me… I need to ask you a question. Is my grand-daughter legally married or not.” I couldn’t help but smile at him.

“That’s a great question, sir. I assure you that not only am I a licensed minister, I am ordained.  She could not be more legally married. In fact, I have the signed license right here and I am going to the post office to mail it on my way home.”

He took a deep breath and said, “Ok, then. By the way, that rose thing you did…I liked it a lot. You have a good day for yourself and thank you.”

I smiled all the way to my car. I have been asked the question many times before …“who makes a better officiant, male or female…and do females really have the legal rights to marry a couple?”  Even in today’s world, the ancient misperception that only males can officiate great weddings hangs thick in America.

The ancient tradition that only males could officiate weddings was derived through the church and clergymen. As of about 250 years ago, the beliefs began to change.

Having trained many males and females, let me assure you, a great officiant has nothing to do with the physical equipment of a person.

A great officiant has a character of professionalism, with his/her only desire is to serve the wedding couple. A great officiant has the heart and soul of kindness and depth. A great officiant cares deeply about the wedding couple.

Joyfully, times are changing. I often feel “sorry” for organizations that prevent females from officiating weddings because of some outdated belief system. They are, indeed, missing out of some rich and meaningful wedding experiences.

Jody HIll Stevenson

Wedding Day Wisdom